Of Courtship, Love and Sex
(blogger's note: this is such a good read. it was written and posted on Friendster by Atty. Enrique de la Cruz, aka Sir Ricky, a former professor of mine back in AB, he's presently takig up some [more] post-graduate studies in London, UK.)
I never believed in courtship. Not that I dont know how or that I am too shy. The truth is I find the ritual too crude and too scheming. To court is to manipulate and condition the mind. When a man courts a woman, all he does is to condition the womans mind that she needs her and that he is Gods gift to her.Dont get me wrong. I am not a romantic. Romantics are those who are in love with the idea of falling in love. They get trapped in courtship for they love the chase and the passion that goes with it. After they go steady, the romantic loses steam and the feelings of affection soon fade out. He longs for the courtship and starts to look for a new prospect. The result is usually a trail of wounded hearts.Ask any man who deliberately courts a woman why he is doing so the immediate reply: because I love her. But how can you love someone you are just starting to know? Is there really such a thing as love at first sight?, or is it simply an initial overwhelming sexual fascination. There is nothing wrong in choosing someone sexually attractive, but this is not love. Love is never based on sexual desires or overwhelming admiration. Although sex triggers an avenue for desire, it usually doesnt last. Once you ride out the heated period of sexual attraction and begin to search for other reasons why you wish to spend your life with her--- then you begin to fall in love.Love is entirely our own making. We cannot love someone without our consent. We love someone because we choose to. We choose to love despite of all the imperfections that inhere with the person. It is true love when you ignore her weight or color and focus on how she deals with people and circumstances. It is true love when you simply enjoy talking with her or spending time just being with each other. It is true love when you feel that shell take care of you when you become blind or old, or helpless. True love means losing yourself and becoming one. When you start to feel joy in her smile and pain in her tears --- then you are truly in love.I was once young and restless too. I dreamt of marrying a beauty queen and having sex all the time. Soon, I realized, sex is not the end-all or be-all of a relationship. It never fails to amuse me how some prepare for sex like its an 18th birthday or a board exam. There is so much fuss about the right place, the right time, the right person and even the right way. Sex should not be regarded with so much hype as if its a space launch or heart by-pass. Sex is a mere by-product of love. It is the consummation of your mutual desire and the willingness to spend your life together as one. It comes naturally like water from a spring, no matter how you stop it nature finds its way.I want to grow old with someone I admire. Not in terms of beauty but in the way she deals with the things around her. Like a flower that welts and dries up, I wish to fall on a fertile ground ready and willing to accept me. transform me.to become part of her. My greatest fear is to grow old with someone out of mutual toleration. The feeling then is one of being alone and lonely. Hence, my search continuesShe need not be a beauty queen or a genius. All I want is for her to love me back. She too, must admire the person in me, not what I do or what I own but how I do things and how I use what I own. She too, must fall in love with the way I write, the way I speak, and the way we make love. I must be able to make her laugh and share in her laughter. Like water on a stream, our mind ought to flow in unison. Our thoughts in harmony.The search may take time and in the mean time, I may be entangled with the seducing influence of passing flirtations and sexual fascination. But I am determined to continue waiting. I know, in my heart of heartshe will comeshe might already be around meshe might even be reading this..now.
I never believed in courtship. Not that I dont know how or that I am too shy. The truth is I find the ritual too crude and too scheming. To court is to manipulate and condition the mind. When a man courts a woman, all he does is to condition the womans mind that she needs her and that he is Gods gift to her.Dont get me wrong. I am not a romantic. Romantics are those who are in love with the idea of falling in love. They get trapped in courtship for they love the chase and the passion that goes with it. After they go steady, the romantic loses steam and the feelings of affection soon fade out. He longs for the courtship and starts to look for a new prospect. The result is usually a trail of wounded hearts.Ask any man who deliberately courts a woman why he is doing so the immediate reply: because I love her. But how can you love someone you are just starting to know? Is there really such a thing as love at first sight?, or is it simply an initial overwhelming sexual fascination. There is nothing wrong in choosing someone sexually attractive, but this is not love. Love is never based on sexual desires or overwhelming admiration. Although sex triggers an avenue for desire, it usually doesnt last. Once you ride out the heated period of sexual attraction and begin to search for other reasons why you wish to spend your life with her--- then you begin to fall in love.Love is entirely our own making. We cannot love someone without our consent. We love someone because we choose to. We choose to love despite of all the imperfections that inhere with the person. It is true love when you ignore her weight or color and focus on how she deals with people and circumstances. It is true love when you simply enjoy talking with her or spending time just being with each other. It is true love when you feel that shell take care of you when you become blind or old, or helpless. True love means losing yourself and becoming one. When you start to feel joy in her smile and pain in her tears --- then you are truly in love.I was once young and restless too. I dreamt of marrying a beauty queen and having sex all the time. Soon, I realized, sex is not the end-all or be-all of a relationship. It never fails to amuse me how some prepare for sex like its an 18th birthday or a board exam. There is so much fuss about the right place, the right time, the right person and even the right way. Sex should not be regarded with so much hype as if its a space launch or heart by-pass. Sex is a mere by-product of love. It is the consummation of your mutual desire and the willingness to spend your life together as one. It comes naturally like water from a spring, no matter how you stop it nature finds its way.I want to grow old with someone I admire. Not in terms of beauty but in the way she deals with the things around her. Like a flower that welts and dries up, I wish to fall on a fertile ground ready and willing to accept me. transform me.to become part of her. My greatest fear is to grow old with someone out of mutual toleration. The feeling then is one of being alone and lonely. Hence, my search continuesShe need not be a beauty queen or a genius. All I want is for her to love me back. She too, must admire the person in me, not what I do or what I own but how I do things and how I use what I own. She too, must fall in love with the way I write, the way I speak, and the way we make love. I must be able to make her laugh and share in her laughter. Like water on a stream, our mind ought to flow in unison. Our thoughts in harmony.The search may take time and in the mean time, I may be entangled with the seducing influence of passing flirtations and sexual fascination. But I am determined to continue waiting. I know, in my heart of heartshe will comeshe might already be around meshe might even be reading this..now.
posted by ohme at 8:54 AM
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