once in while, you get that feeling of longing to be called 'someone special' in one's life. you long to be sought after by someone who wouldn't last a day without having a glimpse or small chat with you. you live your life as if it were normal, then it strikes you that it really isn't. or maybe 'normal' and 'abnormal' are really subjective in nature.

you long to hear to words "i can't live without you", "i need you", "you're everything to me" be spoken to you.

so much more that you long to hear the words "i love you", no matter how insincere or unintentional it may sound, or at least intended.

sometimes you just want to give up. you just want to cloister yourself in a large but empty space. escape to a foreign land and hide in a temple full of saffron-clad monks where you wouldn't be recognize, for all of you are the same, yet you are united with the ONE.

sometimes to just want to let go. you long for the end of something beautiful to your eyes in order to save yourself from the madness.

"its not you, it's me." these words should be declared as profanity, blasphemy to the human heart. its sickening. i've heard it so many times over.

i'm disheartened. i am empty.

may be one day i'll have nothing more to give. better come that day with haste. at least, there is nothing more to spill, nothing more to wither, nothing more to profane, nothing more to burn.

maybe i'd quit law school for a change. work somewhere in makati close to the people dearest to my heart. maybe i'd go about and cloister myself, write about the madness of love. maybe i'd terrorize students in high school or college.

maybe i don't really want to become a lawyer.

maybe i should change my name, change my life story, and go to a place where nobody knows me.

maybe. what if.