post-prelims aftermath

well, i've had my well deserved sleep. but the eyebags the size of duffel bags aren't going anywhere. it seems like eyebags are badges of your industry and hardwork... a badge that you'd wish you'd never have.


just twenty four hours of doing nothing... and it's almost over... damn, i need some more time off... maybe i won't go to school tomorrow... but then again, i've got to get myself my treat. (FYI... after every major exam, i buy myself something, a sort of reward.) i'm eyeing the black UST sports jacket. honestly, at first, i thought it was a pep squad jacket, but it turned out that its not. i find it really, really hot. i gotta get that one for me.


i haven't felt so much physical, MENTAL and emotional suffering in a long time. this semester really sucked big time. i've broken my rule... i ate carbs and 'supersize me' food (jollibee). after being a convert to semi-veganism, i felt really really guilty eating all those junks for almost a week. imean, it's alright for me to eat them once in a while, but to eat them twice a day. just sucks. so, i'm sorta detoxifying again, it's kinda challenging 'coz you get to crave for those foodstuff in the beginning.


it seems like alot of my dramatic moments in UST life happen at the football field. hehehe. well, i've had a real nice conversation with ____. and she made me realize, or, accept what is wrong with me. (my commitment issues, psychological capacity, and most especially my flirtations... i never thought that i was the most flirtatious guy she's ever known. well, i'm sorry, but i can't help it. i love girls. hehehe. just kidding.) but hey, that's me. i can change that. i'm willing to. i told her if i were a horse, she was the first to break my spirit... in short... she was the first to saddle me.


but, how long will i remain tame? sometimes, i feel like i want to break free. but i'm trying to fight it. especially now that i recently had an eye to eye chat with a somewhat long time crush... i just want to do it.


but no... all i have to do is to recount and enumerate all my SINS... and the urge will go away.

how long can i take it?

i want to do this for me...


i want to do this for her.

this is one field i am admittedly a newcomer... COMMITMENT.

i understand that this is quite, and alot different from my more favored flings. why does that word always fall heavy on me? it seems like it's the only word that could scare me away. now i'm trying to face that fear.

Carrie Bradshaw once spoke on Sex and the City of a 'separate togetherness'. honestly, we share the same thoughts.

the character i relate to most is Big. the romantic, compulsive hotshot who's constantly afraid of being tied down. it's just wrong.

but on the other hand, we sometimes realize the philosophy behind everything. two weeks ago, i understood hers. now i'm enlightened.

but, does anyone know what i'm talking about? the doctrine of 'separate togetherness'? please... feel me. i know that i'm not the only one with this kind of belief in love. we're all scattered in this fucking world. we're the crazy ones. we are the unsettling. the disturbing kind. but somehow, we find peace in uncertainty. yes. maybe i am a child of conflict and motion. maybe i'll always be the bohemian.

i don't know if i'll ever be tamed. but for now, i must wear the harness.