My Final Entry

Yes, I know I have not blogged for the longest time, almost 20 days, mainly because, time is inopportune, inauspicious, hap-hazardous, but mostly because I have no will power to do so.

A plenitude of stories awaits since the 8th of January. Whence, we, The Rule of Four (minus one), hast resolved never to leave the sheltering bounty of the Riviera City of Malabon until the sun sets in. And that probably I’ll be terrified of driving. And that being a quasi-lawyer comes in handy in cases of emergencies. That I’ll probably never step foot in Greenhills because of the sheer memory of having witnessed a Tort in action first hand, at least for the next few weeks or months or so. But most importantly, it felt great saving your friend’s ass… and you’re proud of being a damn LAWYER.

The Chinese New Year is nearing, the Year of the Fire Dog. And boy, was there either an ominous or propitious omen that befell us. Wicket, our Lhasa-Apso, gave birth to two puppies, the size of sardine cans. One died within the day. The other died after two days. I remember it by date, January 12, why? ‘Coz Wei, the previous puppy now a three year old dog, was born on Jauary 11 three years ago, on Inxs’ Birthday.

Then Zidnee, or Sydney, however, it is spelled, the Australian Shepherd, our lovely faucet of saliva with a black, white and brown fur coat, died a few days after, succumbing to a long standing sickness that she had been suffering for a few months since last year. She suffered a lot, and she will be surely missed. I remember her as a tiny shitty puppy which we picked up from Ruby Diaz’s (the sister of Madam Ms. Universe) posh house in Ayala Alabang, who loved to whelp, pee and shit on herself. Then she grew up and bore this beautiful coat so good that I’d rather have it as a floor rug, rather than a drooling walking catastrophe.

And of course, my social life ended due to the exams. Prior to that I was afflicted with German measles. Good thing German measles isn’t measles at all. I did have the classic measles when I was young. But this one is just a freak of a virus known as Rubella, as it afflicts you with the same rashes et al. Hence, it is otherwise known as the “3-day” measles. In tagalog, lagnat na may tuldok-tuldok. Or trangkasong polka-dots.

Back to the exams…. Well, what’s there to talk about? Law school life is boring as hell, and terrifying like hell for that matter. Like a Damocles’ Sword hanging over our heads. You just got to keep the faith and do your best.

We got our business back last Monday. And we achieved a little sense of peace here in our tiny kingdom where my grand sire regained his smile, and the lioness is up and about. Though, the battle’s not completely over, the heavens, the gods and the ancestors are faithfully watching over us. Lessons learned for the past year is that every cloud has a silver lining. I have learned the virtue of patience, perseverance, the importance of family, of being content with what you have, that divine justice falls in due time.

I have learned that love sometimes have to end. And sometimes you must end it if its not worth it. You know it’s over when you no longer see the magic spark in her eyes. There’s no such thing as loving a person unconditionally. Unless and until they could love you back, you better give your heart to someone who’d give theirs to you too.

I found true love, or at least, we found each other again, even for the shortest moment, thence, I found peace in the midst of the complication of things.

Things will never be the same from now on. There is no delineation before of what is and what not. Things are so intertwined that it lacks definition, incapable of pecuniary estimation. This is the task that lies before me. Something I must face head on. And I’m willing to take the fall, free myself and once again regain my being.

One day I’ll fall in love again. I don’t know when, I don’t know how. She may be an old or new face. One day, she will come to me. And I do not know her.

I am a man full of passion, hatred, love, fire, sorrow, anger, gladness and joy. I am irony. I am fire and water. I am the darkness and the light. I am confusion and enlightenment. And so with this. I end.

And now, for the Finale. Some sorta joke. Since blogger couldn't accomodate the legal format, what you see ain't the way it's supposed to look like really. At any rate, It's fine with me, since I'm the accuser, prosecutor, judge, accused and the executioner.


REPUBLIC OF THE PHILIPPINES
REGIONAL TRIAL COURT
BRANCH III
CITY OF MALABON

Criminal Case. No. 33705

For TREASON

PEOPLE OF THE PHILIPPINES
Plaintiff,


-versus-

THE JURIS ACOLYTE, otherwise
Known as “Ohme”
Accused,

x-----------------------------------------x


DECISION

The People and the Accused have agreed in the Preliminary Conference to forego with the recitation of the Facts, Issues and Ruling of the Case. Accused have theretofore admitted to the allegations in the Information and pleaded guilty thereto. That the accused voluntarily pleaded to the information with full knowledge and comprehension. He further waives his right for the People to present evidence in accordance with Section 3 Rule 116 of the Revised Rules of Criminal Procedure.


DISPOSITIVE PORTION

WHEREFORE, premises considered, accused is found GUILTY BEYOND REASONABLE DOUBT of the crime of TREASON, and is hereby punished with the Indeterminate Sentence of Reclusion Perpetua in its Medium, as Minimum, to Reclusion Perpetua in its Maximum, as Maximum.

He is further perpetually ENJOINED from exercising the Right to Blog under the known web address and appellation.

Because of the given circumstances, the case shall attain finality immediately.

WITH PREJUDICE.

Asi te Olvidarme

IF YOU FORGET ME – Pablo Nerudo

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Return of the Amalgam

And so I dream of that night 10 years ago soaked in the noon rain raging against the Tuscan sun, that I shed my tears for her and bid farewell. I, my body shattered, my heart shattered even more, clenching my fists, hardly letting go of her soul, that her bright body, I shall see no more, returning to the womb of the earth, with the lonesome violin bidding her farewell, as it pierces my soul into dolorous rapture. Amidst the black umbrellas, the black coats, black veils, of tears mingling with heavenly tears. I bid farewell to the love of my life.

It is as if her eyes were mine, and mine, hers, as we gaze into each other, hand in hand, under the lazy Roman skies, with the cooing of the doves and the clatter of hooves on the cobblestones, and the honking of the cars, the cusses of the townsfolk, the laughter of children and the scent of roses at the nearby shop mixing with the aroma of milk, sugar, chocolate, coffee and cinnamon. It was perfection.

Her hands, slender, fair, soft and gentle.

Her jet black hair flowing unto her bare marble shoulders like a river falling into a ravine.

Her eyes, infinite blackness, pure with lust and life. Innocently unbound.

Her lips, those small, dark, red lips stained with passion and wet with simple desire.

That twinkle, that spark, and the scent of her skin, intoxicating like sandalwood sweat.

She was mine. I was hers. In the lazy afternoons, we spent infinity.

We made music together. Her soft fingers traversing the veins of the violin, sometimes with joy, sometimes with soul, sometimes somnolence. I, with full force ravaging with cold, heat and ferocity the strings of the cello calling out the gods to beckon and despair.

We made perfect music together. Dissonant, harmonious, counterpoint, unison.

In the glass conservatory beneath the bright blue moon and the shivering stars our hearts and bodies became one. Her lips, sweet with tender passion and heat of pure love, on mine.

Lower to the earth her coffin lays, soaked with angelic tears and human tears, while from the distance someone intones…Pater Noster, qui es in caelis.

Everything becomes blank. I see her for the last time reaching out to me, her lips close to mine, my hand clasping her hands, her sweetness, her beauty, her pure love, for the last time, we kiss. I cannot let go. I will not let go. Until she finally slips away like sand scattered in the sea wind.

Sed Libera Nos a Malo…

She is now deep in Gaea’s arms. I, sitting still, soaked in the rain, captured and broken, desiring nothing else than see her resurrected before my very eyes. Whispering silent prayers to the winds hoping that the angels will listen and despair.

“Monique.” I call out.

“Je t’aime a jamais.”

My First Entry for the Year 2006

Fresh start, high hopes, new challenges, new life, etc. etc.

New Year’s Resolution (subject to a suspensive condition though) à less smoking, less drinking, less eating. The last part I can do quite easily, the former two… I dunno. That’s why it’s on the contingent list.

More than that, I wish to earn more of the virtue of PATIENCE.

Things we did…

Had dinner at CPK in Morato, went to Tiendesitas, had coffee at starbucks in harbour center. No Alcoholic beverages involved. Cool.

In retrospect, 2005 was the most challenging year I have ever faced, I’ve learned the value of family, honor, politics, money, pride and prejudice.

I had a tumultuous love life. But in the end, I know what I want. I know WHO I want.

I grew up, matured more, strengthened by shame, insult, injustice and mischief.

I gained new friends, acquaintances and allies.

What I didn’t have the chance to do in summer, I did all in December.

Some things I cannot speak of, which shall remain hidden in my soul. A blessing and a curse at the same time.

For all the people who have come across my life, in passing, and those whom I know will stay with me in this journey called life. Those who gave me liberty of soul, chains of passion, furious discipline and compassionate anger. Thank You.

And ultimately, I’ve learned that I am Paradox. I am Enigma. I am Irony.